10 Secrets to Being a Happy Mother of Young Children
by Debra Sansing Woods

Being a mother of young children can be a wonderful but challenging phase of life. Here are a few suggestions for navigating the early years of your children’s lives with a greater sense of ease and joy.

Getting enough sleep is, more often than not, easier said than done. So, if getting enough rest is a problem for you, do what you can to creatively seek solutions. Consider leaving those cluttered kitchen counters until morning, turning off the late-night television (unwinding instead by reading for a few minutes), or, whenever possible, taking a nap (keep it short; experts say that thirty minutes or less is best because it doesn’t leave us groggy). Remember, a well-rested parent often equals a happier parent.

2. Be a One-of-A-Kind Mom

There has never been another mother like you, not once on the face of the earth. So, make the most of your uniqueness as a mother. The experts, the media, even well-intended family and friends will likely shower you with advice over the years on how you should raise your children, but remember: You are the parent and will know what is best for your child.

A wonderful way to become the one-of-a-kind parent you were meant to be is to make the most of your specific talents. If you are a parent who absolutely loves to read to your children, read away. Or if you love to sing, sing lullabies to your little ones each evening before you say goodnight. The sense of enthusiasm that will result when you use your unique strengths will be infectious to your children.

3. Vent Your Frustrations in Healthy Doses

I’m not talking about becoming a whining, complaining, martyred mom. Rather, I am suggesting you allow yourself time to briefly but honestly share your frustrations. Such venting can do much to relieve our stress by lightening our loads, making us feel less alone, and opening our minds to possible solutions to our problems.

When you find your frustration level building, consider taking a moment for prayer, expressing your feelings in your journal, or picking up the phone and calling a friend or family member to seek a listening ear.

My three sisters and I, all full-time moms, have been known to call each other and say, “Hey, I’m having a tough day (my teen wrecked the car, my toddler clogged the toilet with toilet paper, I haven’t had any real sleep in a week…). Do you have a minute or two to listen to me vent?” The truth is, a little venting can go a long way in getting the negative out of our systems to make room for the positive.

4. Ask for What You Need

As moms, we sometimes get caught up in the mode of thinking we have to do it all ourselves. But the truth is, if we muscle our way through, insisting we do it all alone, we are headed for burnout. Husbands are often more capable than we give them credit; our older children can gain a sense of belonging and value in pitching in just a bit more; and friends and family are often more willing to help out than we are willing to accept their help.

So, the next time your children are sick with fever, pause before bundling them all up to head to the drugstore for medication and call your visiting teacher to ask if she is running errands and can pick the medicine up instead. Or, if you are in the midst of a sleep-deprived week, ask your husband to handle the bedtime routine while you turn in early.

5. Take Time Off

Almost every mom I know benefits from having a bit of uninterrupted quiet time tucked into each day, perhaps first thing in the morning while the household still slumbers, or in the early afternoon while some kids take naps and others enjoy quiet time activities.

In addition to trying to have a little quiet time each day, some of the happiest moms I know make regular and solid time for themselves each week. My sister Lea, a mother of nine, sneaks away on Tuesday nights, leaving her children in the very capable hands of her husband so she can catch a movie, eat dinner with a friend, or browse her favorite bookstore for a few hours alone. She always returns rejuvenated, ready to take on another week.

Do you feel like you need a bit more time to yourself to stay fresh as a mother? Brainstorm the possibilities for getting that time—letting your husband handle the parenting duties alone for a few hours, trading baby-sitting with a neighbor, or hiring a teen one afternoon a week—and be sure to keep your commitment to take the time off.

6. Acknowledge the Good You Do

As a professional in the corporate world years ago, I had become accustomed to immediate and positive feedback (“Great job on meeting the deadline.” “Thanks for all the work you do; we’d like to give you a raise.”), so when I became a full-time mom I went through a rather unexpected period of adjustment.

Suddenly I went from receiving positive daily feedback on my job performance to receiving no almost no verbal feedback whatsoever. It would have been ridiculous for me to have expected any feedback from my little ones. And my husband, as wonderful as he is, will admit he is not always very good at verbalizing compliments. I missed and could have benefited from some positive feedback.

Feeling that void, I have learned to pause and acknowledge to myself what I am doing well—to say, whether to myself or in my journal, things like: “Good job, you got all the laundry done” or “Hey, that was a good move—dropping that endless to-do list to read to your toddler.” Such positive self-talk can make a world of difference for you, helping you to remember your efforts really do make a difference.

7. Work Smarter, Not Harder

Mothering and managing a household asks more of us than almost any other job out there, so we moms need to do everything we can to make our jobs easier for us, not harder.

Why not give yourself a break and consider the ways you can work smarter instead of harder in your home? Michelle, a mother of three young boys, finds life is much easier when she cooks bulk meals in advance to store in the freezer for those days she doesn’t have time to cook.

Another mom, the mother of six, deals with the “missing-sock syndrome” by throwing out all the mate-less socks in her house twice a year and buying new ones. She finds this saves her the time and stress involved in searching the house over for missing socks and staring into that taunting basket of mate-less socks.

I’ve learned to work smarter at keeping track of doctor’s appointments and other such commitments by using a calendaring software that allows me to send myself email reminders of upcoming appointments. Doing so saves me stress and the hassle involved in rescheduling appointments or making necessary apologies.

8. Energize with Exercise

Raising kids is like running a marathon. It’s going to be a long run, but before you know it, it’s over. And the more fit you are when you run the course, the more you’ll enjoy the run.

Getting exercise while mothering young children can be especially tricky. The moms I know that stay fit have a very strong “Plan A” for keeping in shape but, to be sure, they usually also have a clear “Plan B,” and even “Plan C,” if necessary. What works best for you? A membership at a gym that provides childcare? Work-out DVDs to do alongside the kids or, perhaps, before they wake up? Or, a stroller that works well for brisk walks?

9. Be Sure To Do What Matters Most to You

One of the big secrets of motherhood is that we can’t do it all. But another important secret is that we can usually find a way to do the things that matter most to us if we will consciously let go of the things that matter less.

So, what matters most to you as a mother? Is it having family meals together? Is it being sure to share those precious stories from The Friend with your little ones? Or, is it taking time to be fully present for a period of time each day with your child without rushing?

For all of us LDS moms, surely the thing that matters most is to teach our children to live the gospel. We can be sure to do this and more if we will let go of what is less important to do what matters most with our children.

10. Give Thanks for All There is to Love About Being a Mother

Every mother has her good days and her bad, but overall there is so much to love about being a mom. Take time every day to pause and reflect on what you love most about being the mother to your children.

Perhaps, today it was the moment when your three-year-old son looked up at you and said, “Mommy, I love you s-o-o much.” Or maybe it was the moment when you looked into the face of each of your children around the dinner table and felt the ache in your heart from loving your little ones with a love so unbelievably fierce.

Whatever it is you have loved about being the mom to your children today, take time to make note of it and then pause long enough to give thanks. This I know for sure: A mother who recognizes and gives thanks for her blessings is indeed a mother who knows happiness.

Debra Sansing Woods has recently completed the manuscript for her first book—a collection of essays on mothering with spiritual power.

LDS Living Magazine