Take Care of Your Own
by Dave Ramsey
| My husband and I have made a commitment to get out of debt. We’re living on a budget, and we’ve both taken part-time jobs. This is my second marriage, and I have two kids. Unfortunately, my ex-husband has stopped paying child support. It’s always been an on-again, off-again thing with him. Do you think we should take him to court over this? |
Dear Dave,
My husband and I have made a commitment to get out of debt. We’re living on a budget, and we’ve both taken part-time jobs. This is my second marriage, and I have two kids. Unfortunately, my ex-husband has stopped paying child support. It’s always been an on-again, off-again thing with him. Do you think we should take him to court over this?
Jennifer
Dear Jennifer,
It’s your ex’s job to take care of his kids. If there’s a pattern of irresponsibility at work when it comes to that duty, then you need to thump him!
Now, it’s not his responsibility to take care of YOUR stuff. Keep this in mind. There’s a reason they call it child support. But a stand-up guy is going to take care of his kids if he’s got the money. Sometimes bad things happen to decent people, and anyone can have trouble financially from time to time. But if those kids were under his roof, they’d eat before he paid bills – assuming he’s a stand-up guy.
In this kind of situation, child support should be the first thing you do as a dad. And if he’s just not paying, then you need to get a judge to help him re-prioritize his life!
Dave
Posted by H
from Idaho
It isn't sound financial advise to take someone back to court who pays support now and again. Sound moral advise, maybe. But the people writing are struggling financially. It costs money up front to the tune of thousands of dollars to hire an attorney to drag the dead beat back to court. If he isn't paying because he is irresponsible financially and irresponsible with his jobs, even if he is found in contempt and ordered to pay he won't be able to come up with the money. Suspending a drivers lisence or being thrown in jail only causes a parent who HAS money to pay support to pay it. Most people who skip payments are already having their wages garnished. If there was money to garnish it would be there. In the end, the couple who is struggling financially would have wasted THOUSANDS of dollars succeeding in nothing more than making the other parent look bad. That parent won't awaken to his "moral" obligation to support his children. Parents who want to support their children do so without a court order.
The best thing this couple could do is SAVE their money. Invest it in eliminating their debt. IF there isn't a wage garnishment order (which I doubt) they can go through health and welfare and request such an order FOR FREE. Otherwise, just never count on support as part of a regular budget (it's supposed to be for the kids anyway) and if and when it does come set up a savings account for the kids to put it into to help them with school activities and maybe even college someday. Take some pride in being able to take care of your own children on your own (after all, you are divorced).
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Posted by Linda
from Davis County Utah
The easiest way, and definitely the cheapest, would be to take her case to Recovery Services. They will do the collecting, and they will make sure there are no arrears, etc. My husband works in this office, so there is definitely a better way. If the divorce decree mandated child support, then the state can be the ones to make sure it is paid. Just a thought for her!
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Posted by Jeremy
from Idaho
Dear Jennifer,
I commend you for your commitment to get out of debt with your current marriage however when did that ever include child support from your ex-spouse? It should never be included because child support is always meant to be for the kids, not your personal debt relief. You have remarried and even though I do not believe your current husband has a “legal” financial responsibility for your own kids, you both accepted each other WITH your kids unconditionally. I do not believe that your husband agreed to support and maintain your family as long as your ex paid child support. I’m sorry but you should never count on child support in your budget (especially after you remarry to hopefully a decent man). If he doesn’t pay support then it is the children that suffer, not your financial future. Don’t get me wrong, I have no tolerance for deadbeat dads and feel they should help raise and care for their children. It’s just unfortunate that in this society that simply means a new income source for the mom for eighteen years. I think dads would voluntarily pay child support more if they knew it would actually go towards their kids. When two people have children, the responsibility is on BOTH parents to raise their kids even if they are divorced. You yourself said he pays “on-again, off-again”. What makes you think spending thousands of dollars in the court system will make him change? If he has no money, then he has no money. As long as your kids are under 18 the child support will continue to accrue and he will eventually have to pay it off. I am honestly not advocating for your ex’s actions so please don’t take this wrong. He really should pay child support, and you really shouldn’t count on it especially after you remarry. You are divorced and need to move on and focus on your new family. I love it how the gospel only applies when conditions are perfect, but when people make mistakes then that person needs to be “thumped”. I don’t know what gospel you and Dave believe in but it’s not what I believe in if that is your attitude towards people. I don’t know the details of your ex but I can definitely speak from personal experience. I have seen it on both sides. I can’t image going through life making sure that my wife’s ex “is thumped” every time he didn’t pay support. It would be my full time job. I love my wife’s child like my own son and accepted her and everything she brought to our marriage and NEVER count on her child support. If he pays then great, we make sure to spend in on, and only on her child. If you’re truly trying to get out of debt then taking your ex back to court is a horrible financial decision and advice. Maybe you should wait until you’re out of debt before you get back in.
Good luck, I’m sorry you have to deal with any of it but you will find so much more peace if you only see that as your kids money and if your ex doesn’t pay, then it is your kids that miss out. Hopefully your new marriage to a really good guy can help pick up the pieces.
Sincerely,
Jeremy
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