LDS Living Magazine - Giving a Drunk a Drink

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Giving a Drunk a Drink
by Dave Ramsey
My sister and her husband are wonderful people, but they don’t know how to handle money and are in debt up to their eyeballs. On top of this, they just found out they’ll have to pay $30,000 in taxes this year. Should I take out a home equity loan for the amount of the taxes to help them?

Dear Dave,

My sister and her husband are wonderful people, but they don’t know how to handle money and are in debt up to their eyeballs. On top of this, they just found out they’ll have to pay $30,000 in taxes this year. I paid off my home and became debt-free almost two years ago, but some big medical bills have eaten into my savings. Should I take out a home equity loan for the amount of the taxes to help them?
Toni

Dear Toni,

Absolutely not!

You just told me they won’t behave when it comes to their money. Well, you don’t give money to people who won’t behave properly with money. It’s like giving a drunk a drink. In this kind of situation you’d go borrow the money, they would still be broke and you’d be back in debt with a mortgage hanging over your head again.

A quick fix is never the best way to try and help people in these kinds of situations. You have to help them learn to change their ways. Teach them to fish, because if you just give them a fish it will just stink! Keep in mind that none of this makes your sister and her husband bad people. But you really shouldn’t endorse this kind of behavior or participate in the denial associated with it. You can love them as much as you want, Toni, but YOU can’t fix their problem. And handing them money definitely isn’t the solution.

If they’re willing, sit down with them and show them what you did to get out of debt and get control of your money. Start out by showing them how to do a budget and give every dollar a name on paper before the month begins.

And do it with a loving heart. Because we’ve all made mistakes with money!

Dave

Comments on this article	ADD COMMENT
Thank you! Posted by Sheila from Utah We had a similar situation recently with one of our married children and I had to do the "tough love" thing and turn them down for a financial need. Believe me, it wasn't easy. We've already helped them many times over and I finally realized that it wasn't "helping" them at all; that they need to make a plan and stick to it so they can learn to help themselves. Thank you for the endorsement that I did the right thing. Great article!
Whole heartedly agreed! Posted by Jeni from Bonney Lake, WA Don't try to fix their money problems. They made their bed. You can love and support, be a shoulder to cry on and all of that, but DON'T take responsibility for their poor choices. The only way they will learn to make better choices is to deal with the consequences of their actions. It may be hard to watch them fall, but you have to let them fall.