FHE for Newlyweds
by Deborah Pace Rowley

You just got married, and now it’s time to start your own family home evenings—but can you really have FHE with just two people? Is it really worth it? Definitely!

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Time is one of the most important things you can give to your marriage, and family home evening can be a wonderful way to add new levels of depth to your relationship. As you take the time to get to know one another (even after marriage) you will grow closer together, and that closeness will become a strong foundation for your family through the years. So, here are a few ideas on how to spend your family home evenings.

Think Tank

Evaluate your marriage in each of the following areas. Rank your responses on a scale of 1 to 10, and then make a goal to strengthen one of the areas.

1. Common goals and values
2. Commitment to growth
3. Communication skills
4. Creative, productive use of conflict
5. Appreciation and affection
6. Agreement on roles
7. Cooperation and teamwork
8. Money management

Bags of Blessings

Set the timer for three minutes and write down as many blessings as you can think of during that time. Write as quickly as you can and put down everything that comes to your mind. When the time is up, compare your lists. What blessings do you have in common? What blessings are different? Combine your lists and add some more blessings to create a master list of “100 Things We Are Grateful For.” Post your list on the fridge and refer to it often during the week. For the next family night, you may want to discuss how thinking about your blessings and having the list posted affected your attitudes and behavior during the week.

Need to Succeed

A successful marriage depends upon selflessness on both sides. Here’s an activity to help you think of each other’s needs instead of your own.

First, write down five needs you feel your spouse has. (For example: The need to feel attractive, the need for your support in callings, etc.)

Write what you’re doing now to meet those needs, and choose one area where you feel you could be doing more. Identify several specific things you can do to meet each need. Then share your lists with each other, or work on them privately the rest of the week.

Scavenger Hunt

Go on a scavenger hunt at home! Each of you takes a paper sack and fills it with ten objects that represent the following:

1. Yourself
2. Your spouse
3. Dating experiences
4. Engagement
5. Wedding
6. Honeymoon
7. Married life
8. Your home
9. Greatest strength as a couple
10. Your future together

As soon as you have found everything, get back together to show and tell.

Story Teller

Tell each other family stories that you remember. What stories were you told about your parents when they were children? What do you know about their courtship or conversion? What stories do you remember about your grandparents or great-grandparents? What memorable things have happened in your own life that you want to tell your children? You may want to take notes so that you can pass these stories on to future generations. Spiritual experiences and missionary experiences that strengthen the testimonies of others are important to include in your family history.

Love Me

Recall three or four times in your relationship when you felt completely and totally loved. Share these experiences with each other. Describe the experience and how you felt in as much detail as possible, and then place each instance in one of these categories:

Auditory
Visual
Touch

Everyone enjoys all three, but generally one need is dominant. Discuss together which category each of you falls in. When you know which type of love you and your spouse need, you will be able to help each other feel totally loved more often.

The Bottom Line

Write a mission statement to guide your relationship as a couple. Generally, this statement consists of three to five things you want to accomplish together as a couple.

Focus on spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, social, or financial areas. Try to get down to what you feel is absolutely essential for you to achieve happiness and success in this life. Phrase your statements positively as things you will do, rather than things you hope to do or will try to do. Refer to these goals often.

Family Pride

Countries, states, and even cities do things to create pride in the people who live there. Family pride can be created in the same way. First, choose a popular song or hymn that expresses your feelings about your family or describes the things that are most important to your family.

Next, choose a bird, animal, or flower to represent you and explain the reason you chose this symbol. Write a motto that expresses your philosophy of life and the attitude you have about the world. Finally, design a family crest or flag including some, if not all, of the things listed above. Hang them up or save them to build and strengthen family pride in your children in the future.

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Excerpted from Family Home Evening for Newlyweds, Aspen Books.

LDS Living Magazine, Mar/Apr Issue

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